How does one have so MUCH in their life but still feel so unfulfilled? Unsatisfied? Uncertain?
So many people in their lives. People to talk to. People to hang out with. People to depend on. People to challenge you. An abundance of people.
So many accomplishments in their lives. Graduated college. Found a job. Won many awards. Held numerous leadership positions. An overflow of accomplishments.
So many experiences. Traveling all over the country. Trying new foods. Exploring different cultures. Tinkering with different fields of interest. Taking risks. A surplus of experiences.
So many things in their lives. Closet overflowing with clothes. Designer bags. Tons of accessories. Drawers of makeup. Random trinkets. Excessive amounts of things.
Yet, when looking at all these things. When reflecting on all these experiences. When pondering on all these accomplishments. When assessing all these relationships with all these people..
There's this constant feeling of a lack of satisfaction.
A lack of fulfillment. A lack. A lack of something. A missing piece. A missing part. A missing component. Of something so significant in your life that it lingers and it bothers you whether you realize it or not. It's an uncontrollable feeling and thought that waves over your entirety. Consumes your mind, your heart, your soul. Yet you just can't seem to pinpoint it or identify what it is, that's missing.
You have it so good in life. You have so much more than a lot of people around you. You should be happy. Wait, actually. You have to be happy. You have no excuse to not be satisfied with what you have. You have no reason to not feel fulfilled. Obviously, you are ungrateful, unappreciative, and truly don't cherish what you have and what you have experienced. So, honestly you're full of shit for complaining and feeling the way you do.
There it is. The constant battle that I face in my daily life. I try my best to never complain and to never wish I had more in my life, when really I have all that I need. Don't get me wrong, I am ever so grateful for the many things, people, and experiences in my life and nothing can ever replace all of that. I truly cherish all that I have have been given and earned in my life and there are many moments of satisfaction and fulfillment.
However, I cannot ignore the fact that despite it all, the moment I am alone or the moment that I don't allow myself to overthink, or even think --- those feelings are there. I keep telling myself I shouldn't feel that way, yet I've been working so hard to validate all the feelings and to be real with where I'm at and what I am feeling. I constantly fight with myself every time I tell myself I need to do more, to gain more, to experience more, etc. with the rebuttal of that I already have a good life and that should be enough.
On the days that I don't fight with myself and I come to a full understanding and commitment to doing more, seeing more, experiencing more, more and more and more -- I start to see myself reenergizing, being uplifted, feeling more motivated, and riding along a different wavelength in life. But that ride doesn't last long and this looming feeling of not being satisfied or fulfilled with things in my life comes back to cloud over me.
I always think my days through and assess what were moments where I was content/happy with things and when were the times that I started to feel the more unwanted and difficult feelings. And not to my surprise, they were most evident when I was alone.
Why is that?
